Why I Cried My Mascara Off

Anytime I hear a sermon about adoption, or one where adoption is mentioned, or a story about adoption or sometimes just the word adoption - I get teary eyed. I'm not a crier or even an emotional person but mention the "A" word and I will probably tear up.

What happened Sunday night was not tearing up. It was floodgates exploding through my tear ducts.

Sunday was "Sanctity of Life" day which, to be honest, as someone who did not grow up in the church, I had never heard of before. The main point I left with is that "how I value the life in front of me that is hurting and in need says something about how I feel about the sanctity of life."

"Sanctity of Life" is not about a single issue. Not when it's about the hurting and need that is right in front of me. It's about lots of issues. And it effects us every day. I didn't make any decisions today that dealt with abortion, but I was short with a co-worker. I didn't make any decisions today that dealt directly with the poor, but I drove right past an elderly man riding his wheelchair down the street in the rain.

If I am supposed to be God's vessel in this fallen world for taking salvation to the lost, then those decisions do affect the sanctity of those lives. Inasmuch as I can be obedient in them. And they say something to the rest of the world about how I feel about life and the One who gives it.

"As God's people, we must respond to the soul's in front of us with Gospel love, grace, and truth."

The needs are immense, crippling even. But God has a plan. It is us, His people. There is no Plan B.
We. Are. It.

Reason #1 of why I cried my mascara off: We are so blessed to be a part of Antioch Church. Unbelievably blessed. I started crying literal tears of joy as these applications of the scripture (Job 10:8-12) came across the screen:

We need to learn what God's word says.
We need to learn the needs and opportunities.
Pray.
Advocate.
Adopt.

And when I heard our pastor say: "There is a great need and it demands something of us." and, when speaking of orphan statistics and adoption "We've got to be willing to take risks... We've got to figure out what this means for us." I wept. Blubbering, sobbing, mascara all over your face wept.

Because I needed to hear that. I needed affirmation. (Reason #2 that I cried my mascara off) As we learn more about our son's referral's son's life in the DRC and we read more books and learn more statistics and talk to more professionals - I've become downright discouraged. And scared. And I needed someone to remind me that it is hard and it will be hard but we must be willing to take risks. Not to be courageous or cute with our multi-colored family but because we believe that God is bigger than poverty and institutions and abuse and neglect and what experts and statistics have to say about adopting out of birth order.

I mean no disrespect, but the healing and redemptive power of the Gospel IS bigger than all of those things. And His word says to care for those who cannot care for themselves. To bring them justice and plead their cause.

But the weight of those things, of the needs, it is heavy. So during worship after the service, I sat in the pew, head on my knees and just cried at the weight of it all. (Reason #3 I cried my mascara off) It was like I could feel it. All the heaviness, the brokenness, the sin, inside my chest. The burden of 143 million orphans, 26,000 starving children, the poor, widows, disease, abuse, neglect...

I could feel it like this:

There is no insightful resolution to all of this. I just needed to get it out. All I can say in closing is: Here am I. Use me.